Have you ever been so annoyed with someone that you just give them the silent treatment? Perhaps to keep yourself from saying something you will regret, silence seems like the “mature” option. And if you’re like me, you have pretty much mastered the art of avoiding conflict.
Being mad at people is one thing, but have you ever been mad at God? Have you ever given the silent treatment to Him? Well, I have (which is why I’m writing this post).
There was a time when I felt like God had given me a vision –a dream. But instead of asking for His wisdom on how to make it happen, I ran with it. I started to plan it out myself and assumed that’s how God had planned it out too. But that’s not what happened at all.
I was caught off guard when everything fell apart. I was crushed when things didn’t go my way. I thought, “God, I thought you had me? What just happened? It wasn’t supposed to be this way!”
So I began to tell God the way it was “supposed” to happen.
I was mad at God, and felt foolish for it because deep down, I know God is perfect in all of his ways (Psalm 18:30). I know God is for us and he is faithful (Romans 8:31; Deuteronomy 7:9). So instead of opening my mouth and letting blasphemy pour out, I decided to not talk to God for a while. I didn’t think I could. I didn’t want to feel this way, but it’s funny what a broken heart will do to your sense of judgement.
Instead of running away from God like one runs away from home, it was more like God and I were living in the same house, but I wasn’t speaking to him. The extent of my communication with God became limited to a prayer in the morning thanking Him for the day and asking for protection or favor, and a prayer at night asking for forgiveness of sins. Through my silent treatment, I still acknowledged God’s presence. I knew He was there and was never going to leave me (Deuteronomy 31:6), but for whatever reason, that wasn’t helping.
What a miserable time. I constantly felt guilty for being mad at God, which then turned into unforgiveness toward myself. It took a moment at the altar to realize unforgiveness toward yourself is just pride disguised as humility. You’re basically saying that Jesus died for everyone’s sins except for yours, and that is just one big lie (2 Corinthians 5:15).
While the silent treatment has ended on my part, it hasn’t been an easy road. It feels like I’m starting over to a certain extent. I realized my world had crumbled because I was living in a fantasy built on a foundation of faulty assumptions. I was busy daydreaming instead of spending time with God and communicating with Him more, asking for His wisdom.
It’s hard to avoid someone when you live with them. You can only avoid them for so long, and that includes God. Staying mad at someone or God just creates unnecessary awkwardness, tension, and consuming bitterness that only hurts you in the end. That’s probably why the Bible advises us not to let the sun go down while we’re still angry because it gives the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27).
If going through this valley has taught me anything it’s that talking to God about how you feel is better than staying silent or ignoring Him, even if you’re mad. Because in reality, He is the only one who has been with you through it all and thoroughly understands you. Forgive others, forgive yourself, and trust in God.