I fell in love with my messy self last night. The hurting, passionate side of me. The me side of me that drinks too many glasses of wine, eats too many chocolate chip cookies and spends idle time staring out a window. The broken me that becomes blind with anger at the injustices and greed in the world and my own family. The passionate-coming undone me that cusses out my God and crumples to the floor sobbing in anguish. I fell in love with the desperate me that clings to her authenticity and refuses to be sold out by arbitrary things in this world. The me side of me that I fight against and heap shame on for identified and supposed weaknesses as described by my culture in my religion and family. I fell in love with that woman side of me because it is that me that keeps fighting to survive in unchartered territory. It is she who has courage to take that road less traveled because in the depths of her soul she knows it is worth it.
It is time to let the messy side of me shine. Take the bushel off her and allow her to live and breathe and flourish. I realized this messy side of me is the key to many of my God given strengths. She holds fierce courage, enlightenment, creativity, wisdom, love and devotion to her God. She is greatly and chronically wounded and needs special attention to mend. She is a lover and a fighter, and she is tender and fragile. She is me, and I love her and so does the Star Breather that created her.
Today, the messy side of me will: “Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts. For the word of the Lord is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness.” Psalm 33:3&4.
And you? How are you viewing the messy side of you? Be kind to yourselves and know that the loving God has a lovely call for that very side of us we try to hide and deny.