Be Free

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“No one will EVER know…I’m taking this to my grave.” This was what I firmly held onto for many years. No one would ever find out the dark secret I held. Not my parents, not my friends, not my future husband, no one. I would keep what I knew so locked up tight that it could never escape. What exactly is the secret? The secret that I kept, that caused me to feel dirty, guilt and shame and such weight, was that I struggled with pornography. Let me take a break to firstly say that I never in all my life thought I would ever say those words. I never imagined writing this now telling you something I once swore I would tell no one. Let me also say that GOD IS GOOD. The reason I can tell my story is because of him. Though I battled with him for years he still pursued me and today I can say I AM FREE. To give some background, this issue of pornography started when I was probably in middle school and just escalated once I was in high school. It entangled itself in my life so tightly wound that I did not know how to escape. I saw no ending, no light. Even though I was a Christian, I would find myself in the same cycle of asking for forgiveness but falling again. Each time adding another weight to my shoulders. It was not until an event called Encounter Day at Faith Assembly where God broke me, in the most best way possible. Have you ever heard someone speak and it is like they are talking right at you? That is what happened to me, the speaker was telling her testimony but it was exactly mine as well. My heart began to pound, I felt like I wanted to break out my seat. I could not believe what was happening. It is funny how God works because I never planned to stay the whole day but something in me made me. When the alter call was called, I went up with no hesitation. I knew this was my time, the time for me to BE FREE. I went up to a leader, in tears, barely able to speak. I remember telling her, “That was my story.” And that was the first time I let anyone know what I was struggling with. In that instant through tears, God restored and lifted the weight I was carrying for so long. I am so amazed at the grace of our God. The way he forgives and forgets within an instant. The way he restores and lifted me up from the hole I had dug myself into. He lifted me up, dusted me off and walked with me hand in hand. His love was never ashamed to be seen with me and I am here to tell you today, He is for you. God wants to restore you from whatever it is that you are struggling with. I wanted to share my story because I believe there are people right now, maybe like how I was, who need to BE FREE. You may not be struggling with what I struggled with. It could be anger, pride, depression, an addiction, un-forgiveness, sorrow, thoughts of suicide, anything, but I am here to tell you to tell someone. Confess to someone, let someone know the darkest parts of you that you want to BE FREE from. Confession is so powerful, being OPEN and HONEST about what you are going through will cause a breakthrough. LET’S BE FRANK with our lives and be testaments of God’s great power. Let’s show others the God that is for us and how he will carry us when we feel our weakest and we can’t anymore. You are not alone in this, this is your time to BE FREE.


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Eliana is 21-years-old and was born in Hollywood, FL. She currently attends Southeastern University with a major in Psychology in efforts to accomplish her dream of being a school counselor. She’s very passionate about youth and human trafficking. Eliana calls herself book worm, has a genuine love for painting and is a sucker for romantic movies

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