“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”
It’s hard to even know where to begin except with; the voice of the Lord is so sweet. It seems to be a simple declaration, but I have not known the depths of the Father’s love for me as he has been revealing to me over the past few months. It’s so beautiful how, as a Father, he takes us by the hand and He will lead us through life so passionately, tenderly and caringly if we let him. He’ll set our hearts ablaze!
A little over a year ago, I graduated college, and let’s just say I brought ALL of my baggage with me. I went to school for dance, and thought I had my dreams all figured out. I had a plan, everything. Thought I’d join a company and dance and be happy. However, within the months leading to graduation, nothing happened, and my plans had appeared to crumble before my eyes. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. I was depressed, filled with anxiety, and doubtful of my future.
Well, let’s just say within the past three to four months, I have been through a total overhaul. There’s so much I could say about it, but to keep it short I’d like to share a bit of what I feel the Lord has been speaking to through much of this. To dream again with the dreams God has for me and has placed on my life is like a cool drink of water. He is refreshing and brings life.
Matthew 6: 24, says, “You cannot serve two masters.”
While I was dreaming away with my plans, trying to control everything on my own, my world was completely in chaos and out of control. It took all of my plans falling apart for me to see that it wasn’t about me anymore. For months (probably even longer) I had been feeling this tugging, a battle inside, something telling me that I had to let go. Stubborn me wasn’t ready, so I held on until that tugging on my heart, the knock became so loud that I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. It was Jesus, asking me to hand it all over and take His hand again.
You see I really had been serving more than one master. I hadn’t been in alignment with Him because I was exalting these other things in my life above Him; my plans, my anxiety, my depression, my bad body image, my dreams, my hurts, my selfishness. Each and every one of these was mastering me and paralyzing me. I couldn’t function anymore searching for fulfillment through my own will and the approval of others. Every one of these things had become masters in my life, and I had to decide; “Am I going serve God with all of my heart, or am I going to continue being a slave to — insert whatever struggle or stronghold.” All I had to do was let go and say, “God, I need you. I can’t do this on my own anymore. Take it and give me all of You.” There is not enough room for Him and selfish endeavors. It is ALL of Him because you can’t have some of Him and some of the world. It just doesn’t work. But, He is so worth it!
I can truly say that today, I do not remember a time when I have felt more comfortable in being myself. When I lost control, I gained freedom. Nothing is too big for God. I thank Him for his mercy and grace to empower me to wake up from my stupor and run to Jesus. When you hand over your most coveted dreams, God take them and breathes on them and gives them life. Your spring will begin to bloom inducing joy and promise, even if it doesn’t look like what you thought it would. He is a God of promises and he will not turn back on them. And, even when we withdraw from Him he is so patient and His kindness is not comparable; He will keep whispering in your ear, keep knocking on your heart until you cannot ignore it anymore. I for one am excited to be locking arms with God in this journey because I have an inkling it’s going to be a wild ride and who better to do life with than God?
The fulfillment comes when we lay down all of our self-exaltation and start exalting God. When you lose control, He takes over for the most incredible ride of your life because He is GOOD through it all!
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”