I Was Missing Jesus

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Sometimes I wonder how my soul made it over and I just know it was God. This is true with all my hardships in my life. I feel like once I started to get older, went to college full time, working while attending school, and facing more adult issues, I realized how true this was and how much I really needed Him.

When I was younger and even to this day my grandfather would always say, “Pray without ceasing.”

As a kid and a young teenager, I scrunched my face in confusion, because I had no clue what that actually meant. I wondered how it was possible to pray all day without stopping. I prayed when I woke up in the morning and before I went to sleep, but that was about it. As I got into high school, I prayed more often throughout the day. I realized I needed help, and I couldn’t handle everything on my own.

I felt like life wasn’t as easy as middle school.

I felt like everything I was doing from here on counted,

I felt like everything I did was observed through a microscope by colleges across the country.

The thought of that added a new level of stress I never felt before. I cared about my future, and thought that the key to my success would be working hard, getting an education, and eventually landing my dream job. I wanted so badly to know that my own efforts of working hard would give me the future I had imagined for myself.

When I would close my eyes and picture my life as an adult, I saw this sophisticated woman dominating the business world. I had an office with amazing views of some beautiful, sprawling metropolis, living in a luxury high-rise, going out with my fabulous friends, vacationing to elite destinations, and living with my significant other.

Once I started college and was away from home, my family, and any form of familiarity: I felt alone. Towards the beginning of my freshman year, I didn’t feel comfortable so I didn’t talk to people often or go out of my way to be extremely social with others. I had no clue know WHAT was wrong with me. I got into the college that I had worked so hard to get into, and it even fit the bill of the place I had once envisioned for my older self.

My dorm was centralized right in downtown Chicago —

What else could I want?

What was I missing?

Why was I not feeling like myself?

The frank answer is that I was missing Jesus.

I was missing Jesus.

In the midst of going to college; living my day-to-day routine of going to class; job-hunting (which took way longer than I expected); making real life decisions; and trying to take care of myself, I lost sight of, and stopped communicating with Jesus. I was too focused on what I wanted that I started doing everything on my own.

In the pursuit of me seeking out this life that I imagined for myself, I got lost in “my world”. I lost communication with the only person who can take care of me, and give me everything I need. Because God promised He would never leave me nor forsake me, I never had to handle things on my own, despite how ‘old’ or ‘sophisticated’ I thought I was.

Why would I want to handle this life all on my own anyway, when He promised He would always be there to help me?

I was just way too focused on MY plan for my life, that I neglected the plans God had for my life. I took action without including God or remembering His plans.

After I went through MONTHS of stress and feeling alone, I turned back to my heavenly Father by taking the appropriate actions. I looked for a home church and sought out community. In this, I realized I was growing spiritually and that is something I could NEVER do on my own.

I also FINALLY realized the importance of praying without ceasing, and even though when I was younger I didn’t quite understand why my grandfather reiterated it so much, I do now; and I am so grateful that he said it as often as he did.

I now know that Jesus is the key to authentic success.


MEET THE AUTHOR

CHRISTIAN COOK
Christian Cook is 18 years old and from Farmington Hills, MI. She loves Jesus, her family, and ice-cream. (in that order)

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