The following blog post was written by Alexis Gauthier on February 8, 2015 — MONTHS before we ever knew anything was wrong with our father. In retrospect, she believes wholeheartedly that through documenting this beautiful moment with our dad, God was preparing her for the heartbreaking months to come.
Read below to see…
It’s pretty evident that I am a daddy’s girl. Always have been, always will be.
At age four, I’d sip my chocolate milk alongside my father as he gulped down his daily dose of coffee. I was convinced that my sippy cup contained just the same caffeinated beverage as his mug. (For those of you who know my current addiction to coffee, this may be why.)
In the first grade, he helped me create my very first email address with the password “ilovedad” (haha, don’t even think about trying that).
Throughout my middle school years, when it was his ‘day’ to pick me up from school, we always coordinated to meet at “our little place,” which was our special codeword for a cul-de-sac just a block away from campus to avoid the traffic-jam of the car line. I’d escape to this spot and make a quick get-away.
I can even recall a day during my senior year of high school where I came home from school crying because another student had bullied me, and my father took me shopping just to cheer me up.
When I first went off to college in 2012, my daily routine included calling my father at 10:30PM sharp to tell him about my day.
On the contrary, as I got older and busier I didn’t quite stick to that telephone schedule we once had, but regardless, we still have the same father-daughter bond that transcends time.
Today, after a weekend visiting home, my daddy drove me back to college — about an hour and half drive. Despite the fact that I’d barely seen my dad this weekend, he could tell I was tired, so he encouraged me to take a nap as he mentioned we might make a pit-stop along the way.
I couldn’t fall asleep at first, and I noticed my dad kept looking over to check up on me every few minutes, so I asked him why. He told me, “You’re still not sleeping yet and you need to rest” so he helped me lean back the seat as I re-positioned myself and I knocked out within a few minutes.
Every so often, I slipped in and out of the consciousness of my sleep. Yet I had no sense of direction, no sense of time. And it was in this half-conscious state of sleep that God revealed to me a very simple yet profound aspect of His character.
God was telling me:
“You may not know where you’re going in life, BUT I do. You need to be completely okay with the fact that you may not know what time you’ll arrive, how fast you’re going, what stops you’ll make along the way, or even which route you’re taking. Baby girl, JUST REST! Rest, knowing you’re in my presence and that I’ve got you in my care.”
Just as knowing that my earthly father was in the driver seat gave me comfort today, God is in the driver seat of my life. And if I can trust my earthly father to get me where I need to be, then I surely must trust my heavenly father to do the same, and to an even higher degree.
Sometimes, all you gotta do is rest and enjoy the ride.
Looking back, I now can see that God had me journal down this memory months ago, so that I could forever be reminded of my earthly father’s love and care for me.
Even in this HARDEST SEASON OF MY LIFE, I have to daily come to terms with the fact that my life goes on without my dad’s physical presence. Yet, my heavenly father (GOD) has comforted me through every step of the process, revealing to me old journal entries like this one where my past-self is preaching to my present-self telling me TO JUST REST and trust God as He navigates this ride, no matter how bumpy it may be.
So today, if you find yourself scrolling through #LetsBFrank, I hope you also find HOPE — hope to keep going nomatter how tough life seems; hope to JUST REST.